Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well you can't waste a boner
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
