Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Two words: blizzard sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
