i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
