i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize