At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
