I heard we made out
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
