Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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