why didn't you poke me back
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize