I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
