she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
