True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
