Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
