you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
