mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
