I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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