I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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