its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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