I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
