the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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