we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
