This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
COCAINE IS GR8
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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