You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
