so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
