dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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