she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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