So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
