Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
