Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
