You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
