JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is wine microwaveable?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I smell like Dick and happiness
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
