That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize