The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
