dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
