I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize