i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
