Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
