vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
