Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
