i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
