lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
