i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
