so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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