Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
