he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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