i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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