There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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