chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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