There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
