there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
