I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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