Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
