So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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