I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
