you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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