her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
