Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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