just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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