Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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