the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize