Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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