He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
