the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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