I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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