just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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