How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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