i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
