Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize