I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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