i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
