This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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