No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
