i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
