She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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