We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
