I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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