I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
