Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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