Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
