i think i have two assholes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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