The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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