I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
